Learn to forgive & Open your way to happiness

In Chinese culture, there is an expression called "small people", which refers to devious and often small-minded human enemies, or even evil spirits, who backstab you, who are bent on giving you a hard time - either for their personal benefits, or out of plain hatred and jealousy. In other words, these "small people" are anything but "great" to you. There is a mildly voodoo-like folk custom of venting anger on these often unrecognised enemies, by beating a shoe on human-shaped paper figures. Doing so is supposed to ward away bad luck. In the media, feisty old ladies are often portrayed to uphold this ritual, by vengefully banging these paper figures on the floor with wooden clogs, while uttering horrendous curses and swears. But what if one's enemies likewise wish ill upon them? Will there be truce, or will mutual hate thicken? Ironically, probably the only hurt caused is to the old dames' tired hands, and being out of breath. Less tangible is the spiritual damage they do to their minds by nursing seething rage.

Sounds like a pretty harmless or even amusing practice? Well, it's always sad to encounter the elderly, who are resentful to the boiling point. It is as if they had, despite decades of living, still not learnt to forgive, unable to release the burden of hate. It is already suffering enough to be old, much more so to be continually bitter. The thought of growing old and angry is frightening indeed! The person who makes you unhappy is never really an enemy out there. The cause is always you - because it is you and you alone, who allows an external person to "condition" your very own happiness. We are our own small-minded "small people". Why let someone else hold your personal happiness ransom? All others can do is "tempt" us to be unhappy; we decide whether to take the bait and suffer the consequences. Part of becoming spiritually mature is to realise we are responsible for our own happiness, to the extent that others can neither truly grant us happiness nor unhappiness. However, as Shantideva put it, "Enemies and hindrances are my greatest teacher", because they train us to rise above enmity and obstacles. It is thus wiser to be more grateful than resentful.

We cannot force others to be nice to us, but we ourselves can be willingly nice to others. Hopefully, this can touch our enemies, and transform them to be friends. Not always possible instantly, but doing so is to become blameless to others, instead of just blaming others. The main unrecognised enemy is us. The eye that sees others cannot see itself. We are the most invisible to us. We are our immediate and ultimate foes, strengthened by our unmindfulness and delusions. Atisha taught us to "Drive all the blame into one." This "one" is none other than our ego-clinging, that divides others into friends or foes of our ego. Either way, we are all just folks who want True Happiness, with the common enemy of ego-clinging. Why not forgive each other, and help each other subdue this enemy instead?
Do so... before you grow old... and angry!